The Truth is Somewhere Over the Rainbow
by Dreamwhisperer
Summary: The absolute worst fanfic or your money back :) 'nuff said


Spoilers:Season 8 mostly, but 1-7 are fair game too. The Wizard of Oz  
Disclaimer: I do not own either The X-files or The Wizard of OZ. I wish I did, but I bet you're glad I don't :)  
Plea: Please be kind this is my first fanfic and probably my last. Please no cheers yet. Constructive criticism is always wanted, please no flames- I tan easily.:)  
Warning: Utterly ridiculous and not meant to be taken seriously.  
Warped quote:Abandon all seriousness,ye who enter here.  
Well, I'm off to hide in my cocoon filled with flame retardants.  
  
  
The Truth is Over The Rainbow  
  
  
  
"Toto, I don't think that we're in Kansas anymore."Dorothy declared looking around in wonder. " We must be somewhere over the rainbow!"  
  
Suddenly the sky darkened and the wind blew heavily forcing Dorothy to huddle in her jacket. Then a bright light appeared above them temporarily blinding her. She grabbed Toto and hugged him to her. A moment later the light abruptly disappeared. Aware of a new presence, Dorothy cautiously opened her eyes.  
  
"Now I KNOW we're not in Kansas anymore." Dorothy whispered as she gaped openly at the new visitor.  
  
"Are you a good phile or a bad phile?" Asked the short figure rather calmly.  
  
"Who me? I....Well I'm not a phile at all..." Dorothy stuttered nervously. There was a collective gasp of horror originating somewhere in the trees and bush surrounding her. She also heard what sounded like screeching wheels and she thought she might have seen a scary looking eye or two.  
  
"Well is that the phile?" The visitor asked bringing Dorothy's attention back to it.  
  
"Toto?" She asked incredulously. "No, Toto's my chupacabra."  
  
"Well I'm a little muddled..." You're not the only one. Dorothy thought to herself. "...the buttgenies called me because the new phile has dropped a cow on the wicked witch...uh phile of the east."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"There's the cow and here you are and that's all that's left of the wicked phile." It pointed a extremely slender hand to the side, where there was indeed a gruesome sight. I dead cow lay on its side and underneath it she could definitely see a pair of legs in stockings and high heeled shoes.   
  
Dorothy gasped in horror, covering her mouth with her hands. "I....I didn't mean to. It was just an accident. I...." She babbled her voice hoarse with shock.  
  
"Oh don't worry about it." The gray figure waved the whole situation away as if it was of no concern. "We have men specially trained to cover up things like this." It paused for a moment as if considering her, then it nodded to itself as if satisfied." You must be a good phile, you killed the wicked phile Diana. Only a really good phile could do that." The reticulan smile kindly at her. "I am Glinda, the good phile of the north."  
"Oh I beg your pardon." Dorothy curtsied. " But I 've never heard of a grey phile before."  
  
"Only bad philes are ugly." Dorothy jumped slightly at the outburst of giggles in the scrubbery.  
  
" The buttgenies are happy, because you have saved them from..."  
  
"But if you please, what are Buttgenies?"  
  
"Buttgenies are legless creatures, that spend most of their time on creaky carts. They originally came from Badlaand. But last year came here. Just mind your butt and you'll be fine dear." The reticulan said with a sweet smile. "Here, have a chili dog, they work the best."  
Dorothy cautiously accepted the chili dog, wondering where the strange creature had produced it from.  
"Come out. Come out." Glinda called out sweetly to the hiding genies. "Come meet the young lady, who fell from a star."  
There was a brief moment of silence, that was quickly broken with the loud squeaks from numerous carts. Her hesitation, in eating the chili dog, quickly disappeared as the first buttgenie came out.   
Dorothy almost fell over, when the first one spoke in a deep scary voice. " We welcome you to x-phile land. Sing fa-la-la-la-la." The others joined in staring at her all the while. Dorothy backed up, careful to keep them insight and away from her butt at all times. " I said sing fa-la-la-la-la." He glared at her meaningfully.  
"Oh...I....Fa-la-la-la la." She sang her voice shaking. All in all, there singing was terrible. Actually, terrible was not a big enough word for it. It was the most horrible sound ever devised in the four billion years of creation, but Dorothy didn't dare interrupt even when she thought her ears would start to bleed. It was almost as scary as watching them as they attempted to perform the macarena.   
Dorothy was immensely relieved when the singing(used very loosely) and dancing(also very loosely) was suddenly interrupted, by a billowing column of smoke.  
  
  
TBC...................................  
  
  



End file.
